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I’m going to share something a bit vulnerable x unconventional here about what really finally changed things for me and how I came about making this decision once and for all. It’s important to note I was not a cute hit it a few times at a party and forget about it girl, I was severely, severely addicted. I thought I was doomed forever. So if I can do it, you can too. 100%.

It all started New Years Eve, 2022. I was having SO much anxiety and really struggling to breathe. I locked myself in a bedroom of the place I was staying at with friends and called my mom crying and panicking. That whole day I was having shortness of breath, bad. I felt like I was never able to take in a full, satisfying breath of air. You know when you yawn but it wasn’t the full expression of the yawn that you needed and you are sitting in that discomfort of needing more air? It felt like that. All day. It was all I could focus on. On top of that feeling, I was experiencing sharp pain in my lungs whenever I would breathe in.

I was really scared. The mental pain I was experiencing on top of the physical discomfort felt unbearable.

I sat in that room, crying, panicking, replaying scenes in my head of me being hospitalized for having a collapsed lung. It truly was hell.

It wasn’t the first time that vaping panic had hit me. Actually, I had become quite accustomed to the ever-present low hum of anxiety surrounding my habit. But this was by far the worst I had ever felt about it physically and mentally.

I decided then and there, crying on that bunk-bed, that 2022 would be the last year vaping would be a part of my life. I decided I would no longer subject myself to the physical and mental agony vaping brought me. So I made it my New Years resolution. I told the friends I was staying with at the time and they were split pretty even between nice, proud of you and yeah we’ll see about that.

As I said, this was New Years Eve. So that night, I went out, had a mid ass time as per usual for NYE. The next morning rolls around. Naturally, I’m hungover and seeking comfort. Who do I turn to? None other than my watermelon-ice adult pacifier. I tell myself this is fine. im hungover and today is New Years Day so like technically I don’t have to start until tomorrow (?)

I’m sure I had other well-crafted excuses but that was essentially it.

You know what really did it for me? What actually made me snap out of it once and for all and never look back?

One of my guy friends who had listened to me yap the night before about how I was quitting vaping in 2023 new year new me blah blah, saw me reach for my Elf bar and chirped at me. He said something so stupid and Chaddy I don’t even remember it. I think he might have just been like “I thought you were quitting bro what happened”

I genuinely don’t remember what he said but in that moment I realized if I didn’t do this for myself it was going to cost my dignity. I realized just how much this habit was obstructing me from becoming the version of myself I truly wanted to be. How could I expect to show up for myself in any big, meaningful way, if I continuously made promises to myself that I didn’t keep? Is the best version of myself really clutching an Elf Bar? It just clicked for me in that moment. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to vape anymore, it was that I didn’t want to be that person anymore.

It went deeper this time. It wasn't just making the shift so that I could save money, breathe better, or have less anxiety. It was about becoming a different person.

Real, lasting change is made on an identity level. You have to firmly energetically decide to no longer be that person anymore.

Quitting vaping changed my life in so many ways I never expected. I accredit so much of my self-confidence to that. Whenever I am trying to change a stubborn aspect of myself or build a habit that feels impossible, I have perfect, lived-in proof that I can do really hard things. This has truly done wonders for me and my life.

I am going to tell you practical ways to support yourself during this process. Just know that mindset + inner work are crucial and they are a must for creating lasting change.

• Chewing gum: Every time someone suggested this in the past I wanted to throw a Juul at them. But wow I was SHOCKED at how much this helped me. I only did this for a few weeks until the worst of the cravings subsided. Here is something important to note about quitting something cold turkey: your brain needs a replacement habit. It is a must. You cannot bypass your humanity with sheer willpower. Willpower is not infinite, and you need to save it for the really tough post-coffee cravings or the club cravings because those are the times you will need it the most.

• Tell no one: This goes for any change you are trying to make in your life. Losing weight, quitting vaping, starting a new endeavor, etc. Tell not a damn soul. This is crucial. There are a few reasons for this, one of them being a phenomenon called social reality. Your brain gets some of the satisfaction (dopamine hit) just from telling others about it. As a result you will feel less motivated to actually do it. Another reason is because people will project the identity they already have for you, onto you. For example, in my case, I had already tried and failed many times in the past which created this girl-who-cried-wolf-dynamic with my friends. The energy you feel from them, whether they outwardly express it to you or just energetically project it, will have an effect on you. I don’t have science readily available for this one, but energy is real and projection is real and you are not immune. Another thing, if you have friends who are in the same boat as you, maybe they too struggle with trying and failing to quit, they are likely going to experience internal friction within themselves if you try to quit and they’re not ready to. I think this concept is best explained with the crab in the bucket mentality. If you put a single crab in a bucket, it can easily climb out. But if you put multiple crabs in the same bucket, something strange happens: When one crab tries to escape, the others pull it back down instead of letting it go free. If it keeps trying, the other crabs might even break its legs to stop it from leaving. PEOPLE DO NOT WANT YOU TO DO BETTER THAN THEM AND THEY WILL TRY TO SABOTAGE YOUR PROGRESS TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER. I’m sorry for raising my voice, but I really want you to be successful this time. Please apply this mindset to every change you make for the rest of your life and watch in shock and horror at how much easier it makes things for you. (important to note: most of the time this is not because people are bad, it’s because they are ignorant. Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance. People can only meet you as far as they’ve met themselves.) Besides the small group I was with on NYE, I didn’t tell anyone until I knew it was done and no one could tell me shit. I think that was like 30-60 days. You will know when it is time.

• Focus on your inner dialogue: use this as an opportunity to shift your identity. When you notice a craving or are having a weak moment, claim with strength “I am not a person who vapes” , and then find a way to distract yourself. You are silencing the chatter, and claiming your new truth.

• Post coffee cravings - try to have something else to do, go on a walk, chew gum, have a tiny snack (although you should try to avoid heavily relying on food for comfort) have a ritual with your coffee that feels satisfying to you

• Alcohol-related cravings - if I can do this in the middle of my senior year of college, you can do it. I p r o m i s e. Use your drunkness to your advantage, you are easily distractible. Take it one moment at a time.

If I can do it, anyone can. I cannot stress that enough. There is a version of you waiting on the other side of this habit that is dying to meet you and cheering you on. I am too <3

If you feel like your friendships no longer support the person you are becoming whether that be intellectually, emotionally, or spiritually, the good news is you’re probably growing. What you’re not going to do is scramble and try to bring everyone in your life on your path with you. That’s not the goal. You can either learn to love people for who they are even if it’s not perfectly aligning with who you are becoming, or, if you feel like that’s dragging you down, politely pull back from those relationships. It doesn’t have to be loud and it doesn’t mean you have to dramatically cut people off. But there is a truth to needing to create space for the new to come in. If you constantly cling to relationships that are no longer serving you, you are not energetically available for the ones that are. Learn to let go, lovingly.

I will do it for you

I charge 20 cents a word

• I have 8+ years of experience doing this for my friends + a plethora of satisfied customers. And I won’t use words like plethora I promise

• Im dead serious

You already know the answer to this one

I actually need help with this if you have a cure pls slide in my inbox. Doctors have never seen a case like mine

first of all…. thats completely okay. It really is. You already have more self awareness than 99% of the world if you are here rn so rest easy

Might I remind you, you are already whole. You are not broken, and you do not need fixing.

Consider that you might be causing yourself unnecessary internal friction by constantly viewing yourself as an incomplete project that needs to be finished.

Here are your options as I see it

Option 1: force yourself to get help before you feel ready

• your heart will likely not be in it and the likelihood that it will lead to lasting change is slim

• its going to be 10x harder than if you were to wait until you are in a place where you feel ready

• if you do this and don’t pull through for yourself, your brain might weaponize it against you at a later date when you are struggling (i.e. remember last time you tried to change? u failed… this time will be no different) this is not insurmountable, but if you are feeling fragile you will need all of the positive evidence you can get on your side

Option 2: accept where you are right now, trust in the timing of your life (it’s never been wrong) + lean into the season you are currently in. Trust that the day will come where you feel ready for change, and when that day comes, you will be ready to surrender to it

• you will strengthen your self-acceptance muscle which will get you spiritually ripped

• when the time comes, and it will, you will be ready, motivated, willing, and able

• you will know that you extracted all of the lessons you needed from that season

• your likelihood of creating meaningful, deep, lasting, change is much higher

• it will be 10x easier than forcing yourself before you’re ready. I never said it would be easy, but easier

If you feel stuck in this cycle of feeling like there’s constantly something about yourself you need to fix, ask yourself who is saying that or what is making you feel that way

Here is ur hw: pick one journal prompt from the list below. I recommend picking either the one you want to do the least, or the one you feel drawn to the most. Avoid picking the one you think you should want to do and avoid picking something you feel completely neutral about.

1.Who is telling me that I need to be "fixed"?

• Where does this belief come from?

• Is it my own voice, or someone else's?

2. What would it feel like to accept myself as I am right now?

• If I stopped trying to fix myself, what would change?

• How would I show up differently in my life?

3. What season of life am I currently in?

• What is this season trying to teach me?

• How can I lean into it instead of resisting it?

4. What evidence do I have that life’s timing has always worked out for me?

• Can I recall a time when I wasn’t ready for change, but later, the right moment arrived?

• What happened when I trusted the process?

5. How do I define "growth" for myself?

• Is it about fixing flaws, or is it about evolving naturally?

• How can I shift my focus from self-improvement to self-acceptance?

6. What’s one thing I love about myself right now?

• How can I celebrate that instead of focusing on what I think needs to change?

7. What would happen if I fully trusted that I will be ready for change when the time is right?

• How would my mindset shift?

• What pressure would be lifted off my shoulders?

Remember diva:

what we resist, persists

what we embrace is grace